Billie has always had a love of science-fiction and fantasy. His dreams of aliens take a strange turn when shadows around him start coming to life to try to communicate with him. The apparitions continue when children who say they’re from Billie’s past come to visit him, making him question his sanity. When one of the children asks him to change history, Billie is forced to look at his own legacy of violence and neglect that he has buried in order to live a normal life. Billie has to question the possibility of time travel and the multiverse, in order to help one of the children escape a terrifying life of abuse. Billie also has to ask himself if any of this real or is this all in his head?
You can now read this short story (20,000 words) for FREE. Survivors of Child Abuse and violence are likely to be poorer, so I wanted this to be available to them. Copy and distribute if you like, but this has a Creative Commons Non Commercial copyright filed. Please don’t go charging folks for reading this!
If you have any comments, feedback or general questions about this story, please feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
PDF of Billie Prime 20.03.2017
I decided to put the complete zine on surviving child abuse up on this blog for free. You can download, print and read it. You can also repost it with Credit to Jacq Applebee.
There is a massive trigger warning – abuse on this zine. Please be gentle with yourself whilst and after you read it.
Why free? Survivors of childhood abuse (especially People of Colour) are more likely to experience poverty. I usually sell this zine, but it is too important a subject for me to keep aside for those able to buy it. Plus, with many of my followers living outside the U.K, postage costs are prohibitive. So I hope everyone gets something out of this free resource.
All the best,
Surviving CSA zine
Because I was touch-starved
For so long, so long
His simple smile, bright face
Held more than friendship:
Much more. So much more.
Because I survived violence and abuse
Fo so long, so long
Crumbs of affection were a three-course meal,
And I could be full again.
More love. So much more.
Because I have felt empty for an age
So long, so long.
A fractured mirror is all I’ve known.
I see myself alone, reflected forever:
So long, so long, so long.
I’ve opened a shop on Etsy. ApplestoZines is where I sell my handmade zines. There are currently two, with one in progress, covering subjects including Polyamoury, Surviving violence and abuse, and my thoughts about food. I take Paypal payments, and I ship worldwide. So get over there and have a look!
Let Yorkshire and Lancashire bicker and wail;
Their rosy conflicts all do pale
Against the county oh so grand:
The edge of England. Northumberland.
Southeners poke at each other in jest and fun,
These cockney rebels and Sarf London.
But the Thames can’t compare to the mighty Tyne’s span;
And my one and only: Northumberland.
If Scotland were to go it’s own way,
Would Geordie and Makem people stay?
Or would they too become an independent land?
An angel of Europe: Northumberland.
Watch the North Sea swell and crest.
See the Stadium of Light, where football’s the best.
I want to escape to Berwick, at least that’s my plan.
And shine like my sparkling star: Northumberland.
Placard reads “Thank God for Bisexuals”
Ignore eating food like pork and shellfish.
Ignore your tattoos because you love getting inked.
Ignore wearing clothes made with two different fibres;
Just misquote the Bible, and then call me a liar.
Ignore keeping prisoners as your slaves.
Ignore all the things you don’t like on the scripture’s page.
Ignore cutting off your right hand if it offends you.
Just misquote the Bible, then behave far worse than I do.
Conveniently forget to love your neighbour.
Forget the might of God’s great power.
Forget that he forgives us all.
Forget the hurt behind the names you call,
When you’re cussing me straight to hell.
I hope your memory serves you well.
All those things you haven’t said – The love you’ve failed to mention.
It’s available to all, no matter the sexual orientation.
I’m out and proud as a bisexual.
I guess that’s enough to make you so hostile.
If you love the Bible so much, and want me to heed it.
You best take some time out of your day to actually read it.
Because David loved Jonathan, he told him when they kissed.
And Ruth and Naomi’s love for each other was well and truly epic.
But your passages are select I see.
You’d rather ignore bisexuals in the Bible,
Than have love set anyone free.
Remember Jesus healed the Centurion’s beloved slave.
Remember it was Jesus, whose life for us he gave.
Remember God made us all, the queer folks too.
We are his children. He loves us.
Just as much as you.
I’d rather have a job,
Or some money so I can go my own way.
I’d rather be independent,
But I’ll settle for okay.
I’d rather not have anxiety,
Or pain that flattens me for days.
I’d rather have a sound mind and body,
But I’ll settle for okay.
Okay is sometimes the very best
That I can aspire to reach.
The words, “Love yourself, no matter what.”
Is a sermon others preach
I’d rather not have to listen to the saccharine words they say.
I wish I felt well again.
But I’ll settle for okay.