“I was only a little girl when I started following the fascists home.”

My story, Skinheads, appears in Best Women’s Erotica 2011.  I received my author copy yesterday, and was surprised at seeing my story actually in print.  I looked at the lines and remembered why I was so nervous about sending this story off.  It’s all well and good to say that we as consenting adults are free to desire whoever we like regardless of gender, race or sexuality, but when I wrote Skinheads, I was petrified.  You see, this story gets very close to home for me.  I used to follow skinhead boys around as a little girl, just like the heroine of the story.  But unlike her I never felt I could do much about it until very recently.  I never dared to tell anyone of my attraction because it felt beyond taboo.  Black women and girls were expected to keep their thoughts to themselves.  We were there to be used by black men, and not to dare venture outside that barbed-wire fence.

When I read Skinheads out loud to friends I was surprised that they understood and identified with the main character.  So many had wanted something they thought they couldn’t or shouldn’t have.  As for me, I wouldn’t want to bump into a fascist on a dark night, but not all skinheads are fascists.  Those who take on the skinhead look don’t necessarily take on the politics of hate.  Well not always.

There are many types of people who do something special to me.  But I am still attracted to skinheads; the suede fuzz as I stroke my hand over pale skin feels incredible. A pair of shiny Doctor Martens; so tall that they seem to go on forever is a thing of bliss for me, no matter the gender of the person wearing them.  When the great look is combined with a genuine smile, twinkling eyes, and a willingness to bend over and take it like a…  Well let’s just say those are plus points too.

Best Women’s Erotica 2011 is published by Cleis Press edited by Violet Blue

Photo: Doctor Marten’s Nina Boot

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