You may or may not have heard about what the actor Liam Neeson has been up to lately. A friend of Liam’s (a white woman) was raped by a black man. When Liam found out, he admits he went out looking for a black man to kill. Link to Guardian article.
What Liam did was want to take revenge when the survivor of a terrible experience didn’t ask him to. He took away her agency, using his anger to have revenge on all black men. This is something I’ve seen an awful lot. A white woman or girl is hurt by black men, and all black people, involved or not, must pay for that. This is in stark reality to the higher numbers of women, femmes and girls of colour who are raped, abused and treated violently by white men. Who goes after their rapists? Who cares what happens to them?
Sadly not even men of colour seem to care about the fate of black women and girls. If you have a look at images for any Black Lives Matter protest when a Black man is brutalised, there will be massive crowds. Now look at a protest when a black woman is brutalised. It will be a hell of a lot smaller, if it happens at all (especially if that woman was a sex worker, trans, disabled, fat etc)
In the UK, the tale of white girls who were sexually abused by Muslim men in Rochdale is a terrible example. Instead on focusing time and resources helping the girls to heal, the far-right and many other white men have used this to demonise Muslims everywhere. It’s almost as if they don’t actually give a shit about the survivors of abuse. If they did, they would take action on the high numbers of children sexually abused by men of all ethnicities (with white men topping that list of abusers). They would make it feel safer for all victims and survivors to speak up. But once again, white men have used their idea of white female fragility to fuel their need for violence against men of colour who hurt “one of their own”.
As a survivor of 2 decades of incest and sexual abuse, I know that my abusers were black men, black women, and white men. I know nobody’s going to try to get revenge for me and what started when I was only three years old. The thing is, I don’t want revenge. Apart from the fact that it’s almost impossible – the major abuser (my dad) is long dead, and I never learned the names of the men in vehicles who my dad led me to in a car park on the outskirts of Epping Forest. What I want is for there to be better support for people of all genders who survived incest, sexual abuse and rape. I want white men in particular to donate to charities who help the most vulnerable survivors who are People of Colour, disabled, old, and hurting so much.
Keep your revenge. It doesn’t do me any good – it just satisfies a lust for control that you crave. I was never yours to start with anyway.