Tag Archives: multiple personality disorder

The Forest Inside me

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This isn’t Epping Forest, but a pic of Muir Woods that I took on my visit to San Francisco in 2013.

Thanks to @DualityDreamers on Instagram for reminding me of this poem, written by several of my Alter Personalities: Forest Jacq, Larry, Munro, Shadoe, and Outside Jacq (me, the host)

This is probably the most open I’ve been about Dissociative Identity Disorder, and it’s no coincidence that this illness is one of the most demonised in mental health (along with Psychosis & Schizophrenia).  Before I was diagnosed with DID, I only knew about it through horror films by its old name (Multiple Personality Disorder).  People with DID are not the evil villains in life – if you want to see that, look at the people who hurt and abused us when we were so young.

Trigger Warnings in the poem: Mentions of child abuse, but nothing graphic or detailed.

The forest inside me

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Tattoo reads, “When words become inadequate, I shall be content with silence”.

There are words waiting: a poem

My fingers, pink side up

Hold stories made of gestures, 

Signs and twirls.

The whorls 

Of each fingerprint start a chapter, a Sign Language tale.

Violence made me mute when I was younger;

It still returns as an adult – the silence

I surrender

To a fractured part inside my soul.

Another name, another author

Of my life takes hold.

And when I stare at my palms, the lines,

So fractured, divides

Into several paths, many lives

I have carried:

A library of personalities tallied.

My fingers move, my body remembers

Trees towering above me

And a book burning

As another part of me rises from the embers.