Tag Archives: bisexuality

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“Would you date a bisexual?”

Among the many insensitive questions I’d like to see disappear in 2019, this is in my top 10.  Firstly, it sets up the answer to be either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and when it comes to dating and romance, things are rarely this simple.  It also assumes that the person answering the question isn’t bisexual/pansexual themselves.  The way some of these questions are phrased are also leading: “Would you date a man who had sex with a man?”  The person asking this question is often looking for shock value; a reinforcement of their own ideas.  I’ve seen many youtube vids where this question is aimed at people assumed to be intolerant or bigoted.  Type the words, “Black bisexuality” into the search box of youtube, and you will find zillions of reactionary, depressing vids of black people, whether they are gay, lesbian or straight.  Tempers quickly flare at just the thought of dating a bi/pan person – how dare the interviewer even ask them such a thing?  Stereotypes abound, voices are raised, faces become twisted.  Bisexuals cheat; they spread sexually transmitted diseases, they can’t be faithful and will always want to be with another gender.  The potential for emotional and physical violence is evident in the disgust of many responses.  As a black bisexual person watching these videos, it makes me despair – having been out and open as bi for 25 years, these are the same responses I heard right at the very start.  So little has changed for bisexuals of colour.

Bisexuality and Pansexuality is about attraction to more than one gender: you can be bi/pan and a virgin/celibate/aromantic.  But to bigots, bisexuality is about having unsafe sex with as many people as possible, so that means they don’t deserve respect at even the most basic level.  The chances of the people answering this question, having dated/slept with/fallen in love with/been attracted to a bisexual person who was closeted, is pretty high, but their knee-jerk “NO!” ignores all that.  It lets the world know the responders aren’t that kind of person – sullied by any theoretical closeness to bi/pan people.

Would you date someone you were attracted to?  Would you be with someone you love, but many straight and gay/lesbian folks hate?  Would you accept that people who cheat or exhibit unsafe behaviour, come from all sexual orientations?  If the answer to the above three questions is YES, then I want to say THANK YOU for being an okay human being.

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On World Suicide Prevention Day

These targets on my back are weighing me down:
Biphobia/Fatphobia/Racism/Ableism
“Wait your turn!” Says the well-meaning activist
“Why are you so angry?” Says the self-proclaimed ally.
“My back hurts,” I respond.  “I need help.”

My body is covered in bruises
From people touching me with barge poles:
“I’ve always liked fat girls/black girls/bisexual girls,” says the fetish guy.
“I don’t like holding hands/acknowledging you/kissing you in public,” he says later.
“I’m lonely,” I respond.  “I need help.”

I find a home at the bottom of a barrel:
“If you only lost some weight/wore a wig/lightened your skin,” says the media
“Don’t make this about race,” says the bigot
“Bisexuality is a cop out!” Screams the lesbians and gays at Pride.
“My world is full of hatred,” I respond.  “I need help.”

World Suicide Prevention Day comes around:
“Reach out and talk to someone,” says the Prime Minister
“Call this helpline that doesn’t know how to talk to blacks/bisexuals/old people”
Says the clueless straight white folks
“This life is too painful,” I respond.  “I just want it to stop.”

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New Update to Bi’s of Colour Book, edited by the Bi’s of Colour Collective

Bi’s of Colour Anthology: call for contributors WORLDWIDE!

Are you a bisexual/pansexual/fluid-sexuality person of colour?
Are you sick of having everyone else speak for/over us?

If you answered YES, then read on!

We are making plans to write a book about the lives and experiences of bisexuals of colour.

This is part of our longer term project to document and celebrate the richness of our lives; to connect us with one another.

It will be built on the foundations of the Bi’s of Colour History Report. We previously had confined this call for submissions to Europe, but now we are opening this up to bisexuals around the world.  We plan to have the following chapter headings, but this is just a guide.

Creativity and the Arts
Visibility and Erasure of Bi’s of Colour – where we are welcome, and where we aren’t
White Academics versus Activists of Colour
Dominant culture gaze – hypersexual, fetishes, imperialism and colonialism
Dating and Relationships
Isolation, exclusion and loneliness
Health – Sexual health, Mental health, Disabilities
Bi’s of Colour and BAME organisations
Bi’s of Colour and LGBT organisations
Families, Carers, Acceptance and Rejection
Racism
Religion, belief and spirituality or lack of
Body image and fashion
Class
Ageing
Violence
We are open to other headings, so if you think of something you can’t wait to express, let us know. We are also interested in non-fiction, art, photography or things we haven’t thought of yet! You can always contribute using a pen name if you want to be anonymous.

All contributors will be paid – we’ll be crowdfunding, so everyone will get an equal share – the amount will depend on how much we raise and how many contributors

If you are interested in contributing, email us at bis.of.colour@gmail.com .

THIS IS A BIG FLIPPIN’ DEAL!

Please reblog widely.

Thanks

Bis of Colour Collective

Link

If you’ve had as much trouble finding this book as I have, here’s what it looks like.  I’ve had several issues with this book when it was just a kickstarter: the title seemed inappropriate to the large numbers of bisexual and queer Christians I know, but the biggest problem was the lack of awareness of ethnicity and bisexuality.  I asked about this when the book was being put together, and was given the tired line: “We couldn’t find any Bisexuals of Colour”.  I was later told that there is indeed a black bisexual in the book, but it still hurt me to see this shoe-horning of a silenced group at the last minute when they realised the whole project was a #Blizzard.

Bisexuals of Colour deserve better than that.

And Ian spoke unto the publishers of The Bible and said.. – BiFurious