Zine: Adult Survivors of Child Abuse

Title page: Adult survivors of Child Abuse, with a random string of binary at the top

About me: 51 years old, Disabled, Black, a System, Bisexual, Nonbinary, Fat, An addict, Unemployed

Once Survivors turn 18, folks think we vanish. There are so little resources for us.

I feel like I’m supposed to figure out how to deal with: – Nightmares, Flashbacks, Physical effects, Mental health etc

Isolation is hard; I don’t trust easy. Often when people learn I’m a Survivor, they get uncomfortable. I’ve been told to not talk about it, and I’ve lost friends over it.

Respectability politics mean Black folks don’t want to discuss it. I’ve been told, “That doesn’t happen to Black kids!” It silences me and makes me even more isolated.

40% of my life was abuse. I wish it still didn’t affect me so much, but it does. I am scared about the future. I’ve no family. Racism, Fatphobia, Biphobia all affect me.

I never thought I’d live this long. I don’t know why I’m still here.

A few resources for adult Survivors, mostly in the UK.

For Survivors of non-recent abuse https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/non-recent-abuse/

NAPAC https://napac.org.uk

Support Line https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/child-abuse-survivors/

Male Survivors https://survivorsnetwork.org.uk/get-help/male-survivors/ and https://survivorsgateway.london/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/SurvivorsUK-Gateway-Resource-web.pdf

Worldwide resources (use at your own risk, as some are less helpful than others) https://oneinfour.org.uk/useful-links/

Article about Black male Survivors in the UK, and how they’re constantly let down: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-48118278

Structural issues with BiCon. Or why I’m not returning unless I see some changes.

BiCon is run by volunteers in the bisexual community.  Every year the organisers change.  If an organiser screws up, often nothing is done, cos they won’t be there next year (usually).  Last year an organiser made paedophile jokes during the cabaret, mocked non-binary people & was generally inappropriate. Very little was done, even though lots of people complained & were in tears (including me) at the Paedophile thing.  There’s nothing to guarantee the same won’t happen this year or the next, because they’re never held accountable.  The same guy who caused the upset last year (breaking several BiCon Code of Conduct rules in the process) wasn’t thrown out of the Con. If an attendee had done that, they’d be told to leave immediately.  It’s been almost a year since that incident, but I haven’t heard or seen anything on BiCon website apologising about it, or even mentioning it.

When I’ve brought up problems in the past, I’ve often been told “We’re just volunteers!  We don’t get paid to do this!”  This is a silencing tactic, which minimises the power that these volunteers have.  It’s like saying, “Shut up and be grateful!”

Another issue is the constant lack of engagement with bisexuals of colour.  The highest attendance (20+) we had was the year a donor gave BiCon funding to subsidise free places for People of Colour, disabled and working class.  The next year there was nothing, and the attendance went down to about 5 bi’s of colour.  Nobody on organising teams wants to look at the fact that bi’s of colour are more likely to be unemployed or on low wages – due to racism.  If we can’t get subsides places, we simply can’t go.  I’ve been saying this since 2008, and nobody seems to listen.  At the same time, I keep getting asked how BiCon can become more accessible and diverse.  This just feels like the minimum amount of lip service.

I’ve been a bisexual activist for years.  BiCon has been the highlight of each of those years.  BiCon needs to look at the structure of organising the event.  BiCon Continuity could possibly include this in their remit too.  Because until things change, and I feel safer attending, I’m not going back.

Fatness, Race, Class and Gender.

Content note: Swearing. And when I start swearing, you know shit’s bad.

So which one comes first?  Are you black or fat first?  Are you LGBT+ or fat first?  These are questions that need to piss off and die immediately.  I cannot seperate myself into palatable components for your digestion.  I could draw a Venn diagram of how they all overlap, but sadly the people who ask these sort of things don’t want to learn – they want you prove yourself.  Spoiler alert: you will never be worthy to them.

If you discuss fatphobia, but never mention how race affects how you are treated, then what the everlasting fuck are you doing?  Fat liberation is blindingly white, cisgender and heterosexual.  These are the voices who get heard, whose articles appear in popular media.  These are the people who can afford to attend Fat/Body positivity conferences and know they will receive a warm welcome.  They will never be the only one of their ethnicity in a group of fat folks.

If you discuss fatphobia, but never mention how fat LGBT+ people (with a few Bear-shaped exceptions) are subject to punishing drives of fat hate; how poverty affects fat LGBT+ people of colour differently than their white counterparts, then take the first exit out of here, you useless cumstain.

I am thoroughly sick of the white, able-bodied cisfemale gaze being the only thing I see in fat liberation.  I am tired of their voices as the only ones amplified. And I could happily live the rest of my life without reading another piece on fatphobia that only concentrates of American white women who are at the smaller end of the fatness scale.

I want to read about experiences of disabled fats, LGBT+ fats who are black or brown, fat folks who are elderly and/or poor.  Because we are the ones who face multiple oppressions, who can’t afford to shop the latest fat celebrity lines (I’m looking at you, Beth Ditto) to look incredible.  We are the ones who get written out of conversations time and again, even though we have been speaking out for decades.  

So all you gusset-tickling, wankers can just shut your mouths for one shit-stained minute.  The rest of us would like a chance to be heard.

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OctoCon – The Irish Sci-Fi convention (or activism never has a day off) In last week’s episode of Jacq goes to a Sci-Fi convention… I’ve been to 3 conventions prior to OctoCon.  Dragon Con was awful. Nine Worlds was pretty bad.  EasterCon (Dysprosium) was good.  I was completely ignored at DragonCon – as in I’d […]

For the complete strip, see http://empathizethis.com/stories/prejudice-pride/

I was interviewed by Empathize This ( http://empathizethis.com) a great website that creates comic strips based on social justice. I contacted them with an idea, and they encouraged me to tell of my experiences attending LGBT pride. They are very open to people sharing their stories, and were helpful through the whole process.

I wish biphobia at LGBT events didn’t happen, but they do at almost every single one I’ve been to. I felt so sad when I saw the image of myself crying at Brighton pride, after I was spat on; it’s one of the most horrible things to happen in a supposedly LGBT space. I remember how alone I felt when it happened. I also remember how that incident still makes me nervous at times. However, the final image of me hugging a bisexual heart makes me smile. I am happy to be bi. I’m happy that I can love others. I just wish lesbian and gay folks would be happy to leave me alone too.

This gallery contains 6 photos.

It was a real treat for me to represent the B in LGBT at Diverse Voices, an event for U.K Black History Month.  She was joined by the talented Andra Simons, Thomas Glave and MC Angel.  The night held spoken word delights including a tale of being lost in the Carribbean sea, dealing with street […]

Poem: Personal Ad Hell

No butches,

No bis,

No blacks.

No fat chicks,

No trannies,

No chaps.

Must be athletic;

a real girl, no prosthetics.

Long hair,

Very queer,

Good in the sack.

But I’m easy going,

If you’re young, hot and boring.

Why not give me a tinkle?

Cos for some reason I’m still single.

London preferred;

Brighton inferred.

Must drive,

Must drink,

Must not support Spurs!

Must own at least two cats.

Must put up with all my crap.

Must be delightfully ironic.

Must not be an alcoholic.

Must be seriously in love with the Stereophonics!

No kinky girls need apply.

No girls who wanna bit on the side.

No Asians, no straights,

No girls full of hate.

No one on the planning committee of London Pride.

I’m not into drama,

But I love Lady Gaga.

If you look like her, you’re in

(As long as you don’t wear that meat-dress thing)

You see, I think we’d make a good fit,

If you’re young, hot and rich,

So why not give me a tinkle?

Cos for some reason I’m still single.

*

*

Back when I was a closeted bisexual, I’d secretly look at newspapers and magazines like Loot, Pink Paper and Time Out.  Most of these publications had lots of Personals in their classified section.  I found it all quite disheartening to read row upon row of text, where each one would say, “No bisexuals” or “No butches.” It was rare to see, “No blacks” but the wording of most ads spelled it out in other ways.  I think the butch excluding confused me the most, but hey, femmes can be bigots too, I guess.  Now that things have moved online for the most part, I still see wording like this.  The only exception to this situation is on OK Cupid, where if you put that you’re a bisexual woman on your profile, zillions of men will flood your mailbox (with what, I don’t even want to know…)

Photo: J. Applebee, The Bisexual Stall at London Pride 2010

A Poem: I Can’t Be Bi. I’m a Man.

 I was saddened by the biphobia that’s on twitter.  The sexist assumptions, the implied violence, and the awful spelling are just staggering.  This is one of my ways of coping with it all.

All bi’s are girls.

All bi’s are ho’s.

They may look well fit

but my dick ain’t touching one of those.

No men are ever bi.

No blacks are ever queer.

Say different & you’re a liar;

nuthin I wanna hear.

Ain’t insulting at all,

to call something rubbish, “gay.”

I know plenty of battymen.  They don’t mind.

But I ain’t one. No Way!

Bi’s are just looking for attention.

Bi’s think they’re smokin’ hot.

Buy a clue, greedy bitches;

everyone else knows when to stop.

I ain’t never looked at another man.

Don’t you know, I’m dead straight?

I like beating queers up.

Put ‘em in their bloody place.

Messing about that one time don’t count.

I’m not queer, no way!

He was drunk. I was horny,

but that don’t make me gay.

Don’t you call me a bi boy.

I’m with the studs, not the ho’s.

Cos everyone knows all bi’s are girls

and I ain’t one of those.

Inspired by some very nasty comments on twitter re-posted by @biphobic_bigots,

@biphobic_bigots: “Collecting hate speech and outing biphobes and bigots on Twitter. Don’t troll the bigots. Just because they’re idiots, doesn’t mean you have to be.”

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Black Pride was good but the rain made me want to run and hide.  Everyone looked in a great mood and to be enjoying themselves.  The surprise of the day was that Stonewall were actually stocking ‘Some people are Bi’ badges!  Wonders will never cease.

Looks a bit empty to start with, but the article page is definitely worth a look as it is full of interesting things.  They also have a discussion forum and personals.  Seems a bit male biased, but I still think it is a good resource.

U.K site for Sikh LGBT people